Journal

I finally tried the “Saucy Siren Burger” at Bucky’s tonight. I hate onions…but this burger is disturbingly tasty. I am so happy to have the burger on the menu and a partnership with the Skating Sirens.

In November of 2008 I came back to Wisconsin to visit my family from Texas. While in town, I met up with Darren and Melissa Larivee at a local watering hole for a few drinks. I felt a little bad for Darren, because it didn’t take long for the conversation to steer toward the two different projects that Melissa and I would soon be attacking.

Melissa told me about her plan to start a Roller Derby team in La Crosse. She explained the rules of derby to me (I am still not 100% sure on how the whole thing works). I told her that if she got it going, she could come on this talk show thing I had in the works to promote it.

2009 saw the birth of both the La Crosse Skating Sirens and PRTV. Though I was filming PRTV in Houston, Texas…I knew once I came back home I would continue the show in La Crosse. And I did. I feel like the show didn’t really start until I moved back home. And the first episode of PRTV from La Crosse featured an interview with the Sirens.

I knew after the interview that these girls were going to succeed in bringing something new and fun to the area. I’ve never seen so much drive, dedication, and hard work toward a project before. I saw a lot of similarities between myself and the Sirens. I can relate to not getting paid, putting a lot of time and heart into a project because you believe it will do well for people, and running into road block after road block…yet having the fortitude to push through.

Over the past year I have had the chance to get to know most of the Sirens and they have all been absolutely wonderful as friends and business associates. When I found out I was going to be a daddy, the Sirens that sell shots at Bucky’s on Tuesdays were the first people besides my family that I told. And when we found out we lost the baby…those same girls were there to cheer me up. And I appreciated that so much.

I’ve been to most of the Sirens bouts, and I’ve enjoyed every one…but the bouts don’t mean a whole lot to me. What I am impressed by is what kind of people this team really is. They do a lot for this community and don’t get the recognition they deserve. When I put together my first charity event…they were first in line to volunteer. They care about the people in this town. They don’t do it to make themselves look good. They do it because they enjoy it.

I’m impressed by the fact that these girls have all come together from different places in their lives and built a team. More than a team. A family…or a mafia. You can see the camaraderie between them on and off the track. And you can tell that they are having fun, but they also mean business.

I don’t think people appreciate the amount of dedication it takes to do something like this. Besides volunteering their time in the community, raising money for the team, meeting and greeting their fans, setting up events, and conditioning themselves to be the best athletes they can…they have their day jobs. Some of these girls are mothers, wives, and students. But they still find time for the team.

Again…these girls don’t get paid to do this. They don’t get weekly checks, they don’t get their homes paid for, and they don’t get free meals every night. Their payoff is being a part of something great and entertaining people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds.

They are homegrown athletes and should be appreciated much more than they are. After dealing with other local sports teams…working with the Sirens is a vacation. They’ve done nothing but good things for me, PRTV, Planet Revels, and Bucky’s.

I personally hope that the Skating Sirens are here to stay. And I hope they eventually get all of the recognition (and paychecks) that they deserve. I know I (as well as Buck) will be doing whatever I can to support the girls.

I would like to say thank you to all of the La Crosse Skating Sirens for all that they’ve done for me. It has been an absolute pleasure to meet and get to know you all. I am very proud of what you’ve accomplished so far and I know it’s simply the beginning. On behalf of PRTV, Planet Revels, and Bucky’s Burger Barn – Congratulations on your first year, and we can’t wait until next season!

AR
www.PLANET-REVELS.com

"Go back to Texas! We don't want you up here!" said the beggar as we drove home from lunch. I understand and appreciate the state the economy is in, but balls. I really didn't expect that. I don't know if the guy who held a sign saying "Need Work" thought we were immigrants from Texas coming to Wisconsin to steal work from the likes of him. How did he know we weren't just on vacation? He didn't realize that I am actually from Wisconsin. And I guess he doesn't realize that he's not the only person in the world that is struggling right now. Ah well.

His comment didn't stand out to me as much as his overall presentation. Let's start with the sign. BO-RING. If I want to win a costume contest, I'm not going to poke a few holes in a sheet and consider myself creative. You need to stand out. An unfolded piece of cardboard with two words drawn on with a sharpie isn't going to cut it in these times. You need flair kids. Add a little glitter. Throw some shiny stars on there. And ditch the used cardboard. Use a neon green or orange piece of tag board. It's way more attention getting. Wait. What? Oh. Right. He probably couldn't afford the extras. Which brings me to his clothes.

When you're begging, you need to make a few decisions. What are you going for? Pity? Sympathy? Disdain? How are you trying to appeal to your audience? If I walked outside a grocery store and saw a dirty little kid with a dirty little dog looking all sad, I would probably feel sorry for them and give them some change. This cat however did not look very pathetic. From what I gathered, he was going for desperate, but respectable. He was wearing a handsome polo shirt tucked into a nice pair of khakis. He came off as a proud man. Maybe a little too proud. His sign was pretty lame after all.

Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about these John and Kate characters? I don't know anything about them but I've seen more pictures of them than the president.

I know I'm a little late on this topic, but I've been busy. A lot of people asked me what I think of Michael Jackson dying. Seriously...in those words. "What do you think of Michael Jackson dying?" Obviously I think it's not great. I'll make it short and sweet as far as his life goes. Yes I was a fan. My cousin Josh and I practiced his moves daily. Dirty Diana was sick. Do I think it's creepy that he slept in the same bed as 12 year olds? You damn betcha. Do I think he molested those kids? Not at all. If he did or not I'll never know, nor do I care to know. I think the saddest part of his untimely death was the way the media acted. No wonder this fucking country is in the shape that it's in.
The media has absolutely no class or decency. They're a bunch of goddamn jackals. Within a half hour of his death, every news anchor was talking about nothing but the fact that he was an alleged child molester. Forget the fact that he's in the Guinness Book of World records for donating to more charities than any other entertainer. I actually gained respect for MTV. They did what they should've done. They paid tribute to an artist by playing his greatest videos.

The memorial service was amazing. Way better than the crap that BET produced. I almost threw up when I saw Jamie Foxx singing I'll Be There. Another leech. Seeing Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, Magic Johnson and others that actually knew him pay tribute to the legend was amazing. And of course nobody will ever forget his daughter taking the microphone and saying goodbye.

I feel bad for the kids. He got so much shit for hiding his kids from the public, but I actually respect him for that. It is none of my business what his kids look like. A five year old doesn't deserve a camera shoved in their face when they're going to the park. Everyone keeps asking, what is going to happen to the kids? Hopefully they'll be able to live their fucking lives. But this is America. So it's not likely.

Right now I'm working on chapter seven of my next book. I'm getting really excited about this story. I have so much to say with it and a lot of space to say it. I don't know how long it will be, but I do know that I won't be finished with it until I'm completely satisfied. The first three books I wrote didn't take me very long to write, but this one is different. I changed the pace as far as book writing goes for me. I definitely want to write this book, but there's others I want to write first. I would really like to finish Brother's Keeper. I'm writing this current manuscript because I think now is the right time for business. I'm hoping to reach a whole new audience with this one.

Today Michelle and I went to Deaf Ear Records and browsed their vinyl selection. Michelle actually collects LP's. This is the album she picked out: http://www.camiseta-funari.com/wall_banda/image1/kissdestroyer.jpg. That album cover is my favorite of all time. I remember seeing it as a little kid and it just took me in. I didn't care about the songs (even though there are some great ones on the album), I just wanted to see more of these crazy looking dudes. They were like characters straight out of a comic book. It made me think about other album covers that really hit me. You know you've bought at least one album JUST because of the cover. So I decided to come up with a list of my other five favorite album covers of all time. And here they are (in no particular order...and these are just off the top of my head):

1. http://www.ravenmetal.com/images/GirlsCovers.jpg
A lot of these are album covers that I remember as a little kid. I remember seeing this one and hoping to one day own a motorcycle and leather pants. Motley Crue is a very visual band. They were the ones that combined music and imagery for me. This cover represents everything that I never was but wished I was.

2. http://30daysout.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/album-cover.jpg
This is the personification of hardcore. The authentic picture on this cover was taken right after Bushwick Bill accidentally shot himself in the face. They weren't kidding with the name of the album.

I want to know what you guys consider your favorite album covers of all time. Leave me a comment or send them to ar@planet-revels.com and tell me why. I'll be glad to post them here. I think next week I'll list my top five worst album covers of all time. Feel free to share your thoughts on those as well.

So PRTV has been an absolute roll. I'm so excited, I never thought it would take off like it did. A couple of months ago I wrote about how disappointed I was with the show in La Crosse, but it really picked up. I almost gave up on it, but now I'm glad I didn't.

I really want to thank Fox News for doing a feature story on me and PRTV. I wondered how it would come off, but I was very pleased. It's really becoming rewarding to do this show. I never realized how much I love helping people get noticed. We seem to be building a little network here and it's an awesome thing. I'm trying to branch out from just musicians to other entertainers and artists. The great ting about PRTV is that I can link everything together. Music, theatre, comedy, and sports. I expect nothing but great things in the future. I already have the next six episodes booked, and I can't wait.

Last week I interviewed Vicki Elwood of The Muse Theatre. She is also the director and one of the stars of The Great American Trailer Park Musical. I was at a grocery store last month and I saw a flyer for the production and I was immediately curious. It sounded really fun and entertaining. Then I heard the story of the theatre and I immediately wanted to have Vicki on the show to tell it. If you didn't see the last episode of PRTV you should check it out now. Long story short, they transformed an old beaten up church into an amazing little theatre. You just get a really good vibe in there. It has so much character. In fact, Michelle and I are planning on getting married there next year.

I love the fact that instead of finding a perfect new building, they decided to give a little love to a building that was already in existence and there is nothing but good coming to and from them. There are still two performances of The Great American Trailer Park Musical left. July 31st and August 1st. We went and saw the show last week and I HIGHLY recommend it. I'm a guy with a short attention span, and I couldn't believe how fast the time went by. I laughed the entire time and so did the rest of the audience. The characters are lovable and relatable. So please go check it out. You will not be sorry.

I also got to use my new equipment on last weeks show. So check it out and let me know what you think of the new format. Monday night we are filming the next episode of PRTV with Jacklyn Daniels of CC106. Filming starts around 6:30, so stop by the Cavalier and enjoy a martini and the show.

If you have ANY feedback send me an email or leave a message here. If you have any ideas for PRTV or know anybody that wants to be involved with PRTV, email me at ar@planet-revels.com or give me a call at 608-385-8795.

6/23/09

What’s up everyone? I hope that everybody is having a great summer and taking the proper precautions when playing in the sun. Unfortunately I look like a raccoon right now after playing the Cavalier’s golf outing Saturday because I wore my sunglasses all day. This was the first time I’ve golfed in four years and the second time I’ve golfed in my entire life. And it showed. We were supposed to have four man teams, but since some people didn’t show up they actually allowed my brother and I to be a two man team.

No matter what it is we ever take part in, for some reason we always stand out. At Bristol a few years ago we were the only two idiots that didn’t have the head sets. Of course my brother was the only idiot who didn’t even have ear plugs. This charity golf outing was no different. We were the two cheap bastards who decided not to get a golf cart. So we walked through the whole course, which meant we were the last group to golf. Of course everybody ended up waiting on us. We were taking our sweet time on the second to last hole and I noticed that there were zero golfers ahead of us. But that didn’t stop my brother from taking the time to catch about a hundred tadpoles in a pond on the course so he could feed them to his piranhas. Either way, it was fun and it was for a good cause. Next year I’m getting a golf cart.

I had a good time this weekend at Island Days on French Island. It’s nice that my little hometown finally has it’s own summer celebration. It was basically a giant family reunion because every time I turned around I was pointing out another one of my cousins to Michelle. Hopefully the event will continue and continue to grow in the next few years.

Good luck to Gerald Torregosa tonight. He is in the semi-finals of the Houston’s Funniest Person contest at the Laff Stop in Houston. If you live in Houston go cheer him on. I hope he wins and his career gets a nice little jump start. He has a great stage presence and he’s very good at reading people and situations. I predict big things for him. Our little baby is growing up! He just better not forget that I was there for him in the beginning!

Did everybody see the premiere episode of Joe Buck Live? You would think if I had anything to say it would be regarding Joe Buck’s first guest - Brett Favre. The conversation with number four wasn’t bad (wasn’t great), but that wasn’t the segment that made the lasting impression.

Here’s a quick rundown of the show. Joe Buck Live is an HBO Sports program where Joe Buck interviews athletes and celebrities. They also do different video segments involving various topics. It’s kind of like Bob Costas’ show mixed with The Best Damn Sports Show Period. Buck interviewed Favre, Michael Irvin, and Chad Johnson (yes….I called him Chad Johnson). At the end of the show, he had Paul Rudd, a guy from SNL, and Artie Lange on for kind of a roundtable discussion. And that’s when the show got interesting.

Let me say first that I absolutely love Artie Lange. In case you don’t know, Artie Lange is a stand up comedian who was addicted to alcohol, heroin, gambling, and probably hookers. He used to be on MadTV and for the past few years he’s been on Howard Stern. Artie is very foul and obscene, and he was no different on Joe Buck Live. One of the first things Artie did was ask Joe Buck if his second favorite web site was cocksucker.com or something. He dropped vulgar comment after vulgar comment, and honestly it was pretty entertaining. But it seems like a lot of others would disagree.

The next day it was all over the news and Artie was being crucified for his filthy mouth. Here’s the thing. First of all…it’s HBO. They used to air OZ. Second of all…they know Artie and they know what he does. The only thing he was guilty of is being himself. It’s like people that domesticate an ape and then act surprised when the ape mauls them. Apparently Joe Buck was even telling Artie to jab at him and the producers encouraged him to do his thing if the show was going slow. Well without Artie there was no show. He did what he does and then everybody held it against him.

I personally give Artie respect for being himself. I really like Joe Buck, I think he’s a great announcer, but they never should’ve had Artie on the show if they wanted him to be all family friendly. Especially on HBO. He would’ve lost so much respect if he went on the show and bit his tongue…so well done Artie.

The first episode of PRTV from La Crosse was a big success. Thank you to everybody who tuned in and thanks for all the positive feedback. I’ve gotten quite a few hits in the past week and that is awesome. Thanks to The Pimps and The La Crosse Skating Sirens for participating in the first show. I had a blast with both of them. It seems like everybody enjoyed the show, and I’m hoping to continue in this new direction. I want to do more than just interviews. It seems like everybody took joy in watching me get my ass kicked by the Derby girls. I’ll tell you one thing, you only got a little glimpse of what they do. They work and skate hard and they aren’t messing around. You can check out their web site for more information at www.skatingsirens.com and you can check out more from The Pimps at www.thepimps.org.

I will be posting the next episode of PRTV tomorrow featuring an interview with the band Behind Every Disaster. It was another good interview and I give these kids a lot of credit. They’re busting their asses to make a name for themselves and you’ve got to respect that. BED will be playing Friday night at Coconut Joe’s in La Crosse, WI so go check them out. I’ll be there to show my support.

Check out the Planet Revels Store (there is a store tab on the navigation bar) for some new Planet Revels merchandise including a brand new PRTV shirt. There are also mugs, bags, posters, and more. Buy some gear and show your support!

Q & A

Q: What is your favorite book?
A: When I was younger my favorite book was always James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl. I remember being pleasantly creeped out by it and read it over and over. It’s one of those books that I think will remain timeless. When I got a little older my favorite book was The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. This was a story that I related to and fell in love with the first time I read it. I wanted to be Dally Winston and beat the piss out of a soc. The movie was a classic as well. I think The Outsiders was probably the first inspiration for Belly of the Beast. The stories aren’t very similar, but I think the moods are a lot a like. When I was about 19 years old I got my hands on a copy of Sherman Alexie’s The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven and I was blown away. That book changed me for sure. I don’t think I would have ever written a book had I not been introduced to Sherman Alexie. I was lucky enough to meet Sherman Alexie this past March and it is one of my favorite experiences of my life so far.

Q: What do you do to prepare for PRTV?
A: Honestly? I play online poker. It relaxes me. But before that I do all my research and get my questions written out. I do research, but I try not to find out too much about my guests. Basically just the general information or anything that stands out. I like to be as surprised as the viewers during the interviews. It keeps the conversations natural. I also listen to a lot of Howard Stern to get me in the mood. Right now the most work goes into finding guests and scheduling them. The actual interviews are the easy part. I usually have a one week window to edit and post the next episode, so that isn’t as stressful as it used to be. Sometimes to prepare I do mock interviews in my head with people I know I’ll probably never get the chance to interview just to get my thoughts flowing. Last week it was Eddie Murphy.

Q: What’s a pet peeve you have?
A: George Carlin once said, “I don’t have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.” I’ve always felt the same way. There’s a lot of little trivial bullshit that annoys me, but I’ll just give you an example of one. How many of you are on face book? Show of hands. See? Everybody. I like the networking and marketing aspects of face book, but some of that crap is really making me want to choke somebody. One of the most aggravating things to me is that stupid thing on the side where it updates you on your friends activity. Mainly the things that people are “fans of”. It’s one thing to be a fan of a band or TV show, but the other day something popped up that said “two of your friends are fans of sex in the morning”. Simply information I don’t give a fuck about. “Two of your friends are fans of holding hands”. Awww….hold hands with a goddamn table saw. Nobody cares. I just read that a few of my friends became fans of “being a smartass”. How does that even make sense? That’s like saying I’m a fan of liking cheese curds or I’m a fan of having a crush on the Mexican that mows the lawn. It just doesn’t work. I’m guessing some of these people are also fans of licking windows and coloring. Frogs aren’t purple by the way.

Live Long. Live Strong.

AR

Sunday nights are always good for relaxing in front of the TV and enjoying your favorite show. But now that this season of Celebrity Apprentice is in the books I regularly find myself browsing the channels in search of something to fill the void and help me fall asleep. I have yet to find a show - or "program" as my grandma would say - that matches my interest for Herschel Walker baking cupcakes enough to watch it every week. So I usually find myself watching Sunday night Hallmark movies or whatever Michelle is watching. Sometimes we will be graced with a special televised event like we were this past Sunday night.

Before you proceed to busting my balls, let me explain why I decided to watch the MTV Movie Awards. First off, I straight up dig award shows. I don't know why, but I always have. Second off...what else was on? And finally...I am a decent boyfriend. I know things about my lady. I understand when something is important to her. For instance, I recognize that Michelle loves the band Kings of Leon. I heard that they were performing on the show, and I sat by her side while she tolerated everything else about that mountain of crap of an award show to see her band play. Here are a few things that I took away from the experience:

In professional wrestling there is a term called Kayfabe. Keeping it kayfabe means to stay in character outside of the ring. I think cast members of certain televisions shows should practice the art of kayfabe. Because I don't really care to see Claire and Sylar from heroes sitting in the audience together all buddy buddy like he didn't try to eat her brain and steal her ability. It was creepy. And her cursing bit was a little unsettling as well.

Twilight was an okay movie, and I'm sure the book wasn't bad...but I really miss cool, badass, scary vampires. Like Kiefer Sutherland, Wesley Snipes, and Paul Rubens.

The big story of the night was Borat descending from the ceiling and landing with his crotch in Eminem's face. I don't know if the whole thing was staged or not. If it was staged, I gained respect for Eminem for being able to take a joke. If it wasn't staged...I give props to everybody involved for exposing him for the self-hyped jack off that he truly is.

For the first time in 14 years, the Orlando Magic is back in the NBA Finals. I was twelve years old when Shaq, Penny, Nick Anderson, Dennis Scott, and Horace Grant defeated the Indiana Pacers to advance to the NBA Championship series only to be swept by the defending champion Houston Rockets. It was one of the most devastating travesties in my life. I was crushed.

Besides the Green Bay Packers, the Orlando Magic was the only professional sports franchise I had ever invested any time or energy in whatsoever. My brother tired influencing me into following in his footsteps of cheering for his beloved Chicago Bulls led by the greatest basketball player of all time...but I went in another direction. I was mesmerized by this giant center from LSU whose name I couldn't even pronounce. When Shaquille O'Neal was drafted by the Orlando Magic, I had my own team to root for. A year later the team drafted and traded another one of my favorite basketball players - Chris Webber - to the Golden State Warriors for a guard from Memphis named Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway.

Soon I was sporting Orlando hats and jerseys, decking my room out in black and silver, and dreaming of one day playing in the Orlando Arena. Being swept by Hakeem Olajuwon and the Rockets did a number on me, but I never lost faith in my team. Then after the Olympic games in 1996, I heard the news that nearly brought me to tears. Shaq was leaving Orlando for the Lakers. I was crushed. I hated Shaq and I began to hate basketball. Soon after, Penny couldn't stop getting hurt and eventually left The Magic as well. I had no reason to watch basketball anymore. I stopped watching games, I stopped collecting cards, and I had no favorite player or team. If it wasn't football season, I wasn't paying attention to sports.

For the past few years, I have paid attention to basketball twice a year: during All-Star Weekend and during the playoffs. I'll be completely honest...I've been completely glued to the TV during the playoffs this year. Last year I predicted the Celtics to win it all. I predicted the Cardinals to go to the Super Bowl. Right away this summer, I predicted Orlando to win the NBA Championship. I admit, I made the prediction as a fan. There was no thought put into the call. I just wanted to see the franchise grab that brass ring.

The one player that has stood out to me from what I have watched recently was Dwight Howard. Mainly during All-Star weekend. So I have been cheering for him anytime I watch basketball. It definitely got more interesting when Orlando took on "King" James and the number one team in the NBA. I don't know if I was rooting more for Orlando to win or Cleveland to lose. Long story short...Orlando won and moved on to the NBA finals. I'd be lying if I said that 12 year old dipshit with the bowl cut who used to root for Shaq and Penny hasn't been coming out over the past few weeks. So hopefully next week I'll be writing about the Orlando Magic winning their first NBA Championship. They're down two games to nothing, but I have high hopes.

I'm probably boring most of my audience right now, but I basically wrote that to write this: LeBron James is a tool. The word spoiled comes to mind. "King" James got away with so much during that series and still had the sand to bitch about the calls against him. You know, everybody wants to compare him to Michael Jordan...so lets compare. Michael Jordan was great...without a doubt the greatest of all time. LeBron James is great. I can't deny that. He is an amazing performer. Besides wearing the number 23, I don't think they have anymore in common. Michael Jordan was a class act winner and a gracious loser. He would compliment his teammates and give them credit when they deserved it. If MJ made a mistake, he took the blame. LeBron on the other hand...he loves to showboat, he loves to take credit for all the good things, he loves posing for pictures and getting attention. But when something bad happens...it sure as hell can't be his fault. He's LeBron James bitch! LeBron is the first to say "It's not my fault". He can never man up and just say "My bad". And I guarantee you Michael Jordan never left a game like a little bitch after losing without shaking hands. It's called sportsmanship. The Bulls lost to the Pistons three years in a row, and Michael Jordan shook hands with them EVERY year. LeBron threw a temper tantrum and bailed. Waaah! I tried to be a whole team and failed! Waaah! I made those stupid puppet commercials for nothing! Waaah! It won't be LeBron vs. Kobe in the finals! Waaah! His excuse for being a whiny little prick and not shaking hands is that he is a "Winner" and he doesn't need to shake hands after losing. Well "winner", here's another comparison for you. Michael Jordan: Six time NBA Champion. How many rings does LeBron have?

That's enough basketball and MTV. Right now I'm going to take some time to answer a few questions I've gotten lately. I haven't done a Q & A for a while, but here goes...

When is the next book coming out?
I get this question all the time. Here's kind of what happened. Games Poor Kids Play came out and it shocked everybody. Not the content...just the fact that my ass wrote a book. Nonetheless, it came out and it was a pretty big success for me. Everybody seemed to enjoy it. The word about it spread pretty fest and it really fed my ego. I was getting a lot of exposure just by word of mouth and through my web site. I was going through a lot of crap in my life, but all of the positive feedback making me feel better. So the logical thing to do would be write another book. So I did. In fact I wrote two more books. And I'm not gonna lie...there's not much that makes somebody feel better than having their work appreciated. So I released three books in under two years. Looking back it may have been a mistake. It may have been smarter to release them one at a time and let them each soak for a while, but I couldn't.

I was severely depressed and my creativity was going crazy. So instead of being stupid and letting everything get to me, I wrote. I wrote nonstop. But then I think I just got burnt out. I wrote about seventeen chapters of Brother's Keeper, which is another novel. It's kind of a dark thriller, but a lot different than BOB. I honestly just lost steam after a while. And I've been really happy lately. This has been the most amazing year of my life. Usually when I'm down I write like crazy, but I've been so busy living my life that I haven't had a lot of time to write the book.

I also decided that I want my next book to be something completely different. So I started a whole new book. I've also started writing more chapters for the third installment of short stories. So to answer the question, I have no idea when the next book will come out. I think I'm ready to start focusing more on writing again. If I were to guess, I would say I'll be releasing at least one book by the end of 2009.

What book are you working on now?
Like I said, I'm working on three books at the moment. The one I'm putting most of my focus on is a young adult novel. It's untitled for now, but it's the story of two cousins who go on a cross country trip with their estranged grandfather. It's going to be funny, it's going to be emotional, and it's going to be CLEAN. I've written two chapters so far and haven't cursed yet. I really want to write something that my sister can read and something that students could read in school. So that is what I'm working on right now. I'm debating whether or not to post the first chapter as a preview. What do you guys think?

What's up with PRTV?
I was going to write about this anyways, so here goes. What's up with PRTV? Honestly...I don't know. I was really excited about continuing the show in La Crosse. I was really worried about finding a filming location and improving the production quality. But right away I decided to film at The Cavalier. It really is a great filming location. Not only that, the owner - Greg - also provided me with audio equipment and lighting. Needless to say, I have the whole production aspect taken care of. I never imagined that the difficult part would be finding guests for the show. I had a list of people I wanted to interview before I even left Houston. Besides that, I know so many musicians and artists from the area that I figured I would have the show booked for months. Not the case.

I don't mean to sound like a dick, but I'm kind of disappointed in La Crosse's local music scene. I had to turn people down from the show in Houston. I won't say a whole lot of great things about Houston, but I truly respect and appreciate how hungry Houston's local musicians and entertainers are. You see young kids out in parking lots everywhere selling their CD's...or even giving them away just trying to build a following. I understand Houston is a lot bigger than La Crosse, but that's kind of why I figured doing PRTV in La Crosse would be easy. In Houston, most people came to me. They understood and appreciated what I'm trying to do. And they did everything on my time. I picked the time, date, location, and they showed up. I only had two people no show. And one thing I truly appreciated was if I contacted somebody about doing the show and they weren't interested, they would at least reply to me and let me know.

This is what has happened in La Crosse so far. I've contacted at least 40 people about doing the show. Of those 40 people, about ten of them responded to me. Of those ten people that responded, three of them scheduled an interview. Of those three, ONE of them showed up to the interview. The kicker is...the ONE band that I interviewed so far in La Crosse....is from ROCKFORD, ILLINOIS. I've sent a lot of myspace messages to different bands, because that's basically the only way I've found to contact musicians around here. The thing about myspace messages, is you can read when somebody has read a message you sent. EVERY SINGLE ONE of the my messages was read. People don't have the common courtesy to even respond and say "no thanks". Then I've got a bunch of people that have told me they want to do an interview, but when I try to get a date set, it's always "I'll let you know". But apparently they forget after a day, because NOBODY gets back to me. And it's pretty sad. I've tried to make it as convenient as possible for people, but it's not ever good enough.

I've lost quite a bit of motivation for doing PRTV, but I'm not giving up yet. We filmed an interview last Friday with The Pimps and it went really well. Here's a band that doesn't really need my promotion, but they appreciated what I do. They were late for their show because they stopped in to do a quick interview. Besides that, they emailed me later and told me that doing PRTV was more fun than playing their show. So for the bands that think they are too big or too important to do PRTV...it's their loss. I just had higher expectations for La Crosse's music scene. If I was in a band and I ha somebody that wanted to interview me and showcase me to a national audience for free...I'd be jumping all over it. But whatever. Hopefully people will come around.

I've got a few interviews lined up for the next few weeks, but none of them are musicians. I will be filming an interview with the La Crosse Skating Sirens Roller Derby team on June 15th. So come on down and check it out. Unfortunately, The Pimps were only able to hang out for a few minutes, so I won't be posting that interview until I film another one. But I just want to take this time to thank Stu and Tony for taking the time out of their schedule to hang out and shoot the shit for the show. For more information on The Pimps, make sure you go to www.THEPIMPS.org.

And if there is any musician/artist/entertainer/or anybody else that has something to promote that wants to do an interview for PRTV. Email me at ar@planet-revels.com or leave me a message at 608-385-8795.

In closing, I want to take this time to give my condolences to my friend Josh Tovsen and his family. Josh's sister past away recently and my thoughts are with Josh and his family.

We all recently also lost a very good man. Every time I saw Big Earl he had a stupid joke and a hug for me. Earl was an awesome guy and he will be greatly missed. He was a very good friend of my family. He actually saved my mom from a few drunk idiots in a bar when she was young. I'll never forget how happy he was when I told him I wrote a story about him in 32 Reasons I Need a Helmet. He told me how much it meant to him, and of course that made it even more special to me. So in honor of Earl, this month I am going to post that story on the site. You can read the story by clicking on the "Stories" tab on the navigation bar..

5/5/09

Greetings from Wisconsin. What’s up everybody? It’s been a while…I know. As you may or may not know, Michelle and I moved back to Wisconsin from Houston, TX a few weeks ago. I must say, it’s good to be back. Wisconsin will always be my home. It’s so funny to me to see so many people from here complaining about it nonstop. Everybody wants to leave this place. Me? I love it here. In the past two years I’ve lived in Phoenix and Houston. They were both nice places to kick it for a while, but I would never want to live there forever.

Houston was an amazing experience (as was Phoenix). There is so much to do. Almost too much to do. It’s very humbling living in a city with two million people. You realize just how small you really are.

There are some major differences between living in La Crosse, Wisconsin and Houston, Texas. For example: In La Crosse; we worry about blizzards. In Houston; we worry about hurricanes. In La Crosse; it isn’t uncommon to see a squirrel finagling down the sidewalk. In Houston; it isn’t uncommon to be greeted by a lizard as you walk down the sidewalk. In La Crosse; there are plenty of beautiful bluffs and trails to hike. In Houston; there’s a good chance you might get stabbed by a Mexican with a rusty knife and poor dental hygiene in the Arby’s parking lot.

I had so many amazing experiences in Houston and met a lot of great people. I survived Hurricane Ike and watched a city rebuild itself. I got to listen to my favorite author speak and then meet him, talk to him, shake his hand, and give him a copy of one of my books. That was a moment that I will never forget. I got to experience Wrestlemania in person. Something I’ve dreamed of since I was three years old.

I think the best experience and biggest accomplishment came in the form of PRTV. I went out on a limb and gave it a whirl, and it turned out great. I didn’t know anything about hosting or producing a show. I definitely had no experience interviewing anybody, but I kind of learned things by accident as they happened. PRTV brought a whole new element to PLANET-REVELS.com. The traffic has increased big since adding the show to the site.

I’m so happy and thankful that we decided to go ahead and attempt to produce a weekly show. I think all ten interviews were a success. I ran into a few snags with some, but for the most part the viewers had no idea. I really need to thank Troy Barnett for taking a gamble on me. He was the first person I interviewed and it really boosted my confidence. I received a lot of great reviews from that interview and got to use that interview as an example for other people that I was interested in interviewing. I have a lot more to say about the show and my guests, but I’ll get to in the retrospect we’re filming tomorrow night.

A lot of people have been asking me if I’m going to continue the show in La Crosse. The answer is yes, Yes I am. I’ve already got a few interviews lined up. We’re going to be filming at The Cavalier. The owner - Greg blew my mind with his helpfulness and graciousness. He’s giving us a lot of support. It’s the complete opposite of what we experienced with the Westheimer Pub. He’s even providing us with lighting and audio equipment.

The show will be a lot different this time around. It’s still the same idea of trying to help up and coming artists and entertainers get noticed and promote themselves. Hopefully we will have better equipment and better quality. I’ve been contacting different companies to serve as sponsors so we can afford better equipment and whatnot. That’s going to be one of the biggest changes. I’ll probably catch a lot of shit for it, but oh well. I’ve never had an ad on this site, but things change. I love this site, but the fact is it costs money to maintain it. I don’t make any profit from the site or the show. The only profit I make is by hopefully selling books and merchandise. By getting sponsors, I will be able to make the site AND show a much better product.

As of now, the plan is to film every Tuesday night at The Cavalier at 7:00 PM. Feel free to stop by and enjoy the show. We’ve got a whole bunch of new ideas for the show and I can’t wait to get started. For any questions or suggestions about the show, guests of the show, the site, or sponsoring either.

In closing, I want to address something that has been smothering me since my first book was published. There is an extremely aggravating questioned that gets thrown in my face all the time: Can I get a free copy of your book? No. No you can’t. I don’t care who you are, what you’ve done, or in how many stories you’re referenced. I don’t give away free books to people that ask. I’ve only given a couple free books away…but they were on my terms. Or I was drunk. My mom has never gotten a free book. Michelle paid for her copies. Honestly…I don’t even own a copy of my own book. These books, this site, PRTV…it’s not just a hobby to me anymore. I take it very serious and I bust my ass on all of them. And I can’t afford to give everyone in my family or every one of my friends a free copy of the book. Seriously…they aren’t that expensive. I know the economy sucks right now, but it sucks for me too. I hope that this will one day be my career, but I’m not going to get there by buckling to everybody that calls me an asshole for charging them for a book.

But if you would like to read my work for free, I will be posting more of my writing on this page. In fact this week I’m posting a story that NOBODY has read yet.

Until next time…

Live long. Live strong.

AR

PS: Thanks to everybody for the birthday wishes!

3/27/09

Do you ever find yourself wishing bad things on people you’ve never even met? I do every time I watch Wheel of Fortune. Good grief! They must purposely find morons to serve as contestants. If there’s only one word with a vowel left, the word is three letters long and you already have “TH”, there’s a pretty good chance the other letter is “E”. Why buy a vowel?!?! And these are some of the greediest sons of bitches I’ve ever seen, but I love it when Karma bites them in the ass. The category is historic figure. So far you have “ALEXAN_ER _HE GREA_”. You’ve got a shitload of money and prizes already. Why spin again? You KNOW you’re going to lose a turn or go bankrupt…and I hope you do. You selfish bastard.

We’re about two weeks from moving back to Wisconsin. No offense to any Houstonians out there…but I can’t wait to leave. Houston is a cool place to live for a little while, but I couldn’t live here forever. It’s too big for me. There’s a lot to do…but there’s almost too much to do. For me anyways.

I’m super excited to get back home though. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from Wisconsin and I miss the hell out of it. Everybody wants so badly to get out of there…but it’s my home and I think it’s a great place to live.

One week from Sunday is the 25^th Anniversary of Wrestlemania and I will be there. This is something I’ve awaited for a long time. The closest I’ve ever been to Wrestlemania was Chicago. And I made a promise to myself that if I was ever close again, I would go. Well, thanks to Michelle…I’m going. I remember growing up we used to have Wrestlemania parties. A few friends would chip in and we would order the pay-per-view at my mom’s house. Sometimes my mom would get it for me for my birthday. I remember my brother wanted to surprise me one year and order Wrestlemania 15 for me. It was a very cool thought, but my brother isn’t the best when it comes to hooking up electronics. The surprise was ruined when he had to call me upstairs to hook it up for him. We missed the first match, but it was still really cool.

Wrestlemania 9 sticks out for me the most. Not so much because of watching the pay-per-view, but because of what went into the whole day. My uncle Johnny was really into biking and there was a big bike convention going on the South Side of La Crosse. My uncle Johnny planned on going and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I was ten years old and just happy to be included, so I agreed. The plan was to ride our bikes to the convention and back before Mania started.

Let me just explain that I was ten years old and didn’t exactly understand how far away the convention was. Now riding a bike five miles may not sound like a big deal – and it wasn’t for my uncle who was rocking his badass expensive 21 speed Cannondale – but it wasn’t a walk in the park for me on my cheap one speed huffy.

We biked the whole way there and the whole way back in time to watch Bret Hart defend the World Wrestling Federation championship against Yokozuna. I was tired as hell, but I didn’t complain the whole time. And I kept up with my uncle as well as I could.

Last week I got my first home run in softball, which means I accomplished one of my goals. And then I quit the team. Michelle and I both. We played for the team that Michelle’s work sponsored. It could’ve been a lot of fun, but some people take it way too serious. It’s pretty bad when you tell every girl not to swing…just because you want them to get walked so we have a better shot at winning. Where is the fun in that? If you take it that serious try out for the majors. Tool.

It started out alright, but then all of the sudden I felt like I wasn’t even part of the team. Why? Mexicans. All of the sudden we had about ten Mexicans on the team…and they completely took over. They take our jobs, they take our money, and now they even take our softball teams. I can’t wait to move back to Wisconsin. Call me racist if you want. I don’t care. As Sam Demaris says, “My BEST friend….knows a Mexican.”

Speaking of Sam…

I interviewed Sam Demaris a few weeks back, but I haven’t posted that show yet. He is a very funny gentleman. Think Red Fox meets Sam Kinison. I’ll talk more about am when I post the interview, but I do want to let everyone know that he and Slade Ham will be performing at the Laff Stop in Houston on Wednesday, April 1^st. I’ll be there to check it out; it should be a really good time.

I hope everybody enjoyed last week’s episode of PRTV with Witness to the Fallen. I can’t believe they got all seven questions right. That interview was a lot of fun. So were the post-interview festivities. That’s the drunkest I’ve been while doing the show. Good thing the camera wasn’t rolling. Make sure you go to there myspace page and check them out. The link is under “links”. They weren’t really what I expected. I honestly wasn’t really looking forward to the interview because I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if they were going to take themselves really serious and be dark and depressing, but it was actually the most fun I’ve had doing an interview. All four guys were very down to Earth and informative. And you can tell they appreciate music and appreciate everybody involved from the promoters to the fans to the other musicians. And Charlie really appreciates comic books and Transformers.

I will hopefully have this week’s episode posted Saturday night. This week’s show features an interview with a guy named Carl “Piano” Smith. Again I apologize to Carl for the unprofessionalism (is that a word) from the Pub and I’m sorry you didn’t get to play. If you want to see him play go to my calendar and find out where he’ll be playing this weekend and go to www.myspace.com/carlpianosmithtrio for more information.

This past Saturday I got make another addition to the list of pricks that bailed on me. First was Michelle’s “friend” who is trying to be a model. I think I said enough about her in the past. Second was a few weeks ago when I was supposed to interview a band named “Black Dog”. They’re a Led Zeppelin tribute band. I had them booked for over a month and when I emailed them two days before the interview to touch base and finalize some things, they informed me that they forgot about the interview ad made other plans. Very professional. I guess that’s why they’re trying to make a living playing other people’s music. Thankfully Carl Smith and Sam Demaris stepped up for me and replaced them.

When I was trying to find a replacement for Black Dog, I was contacted by a group called “Avenger”. They said they were very interested in doing the show and performing too. Unfortunately they couldn’t make it on the 14^th, but I booked them for the 21^st. Well…they bailed. No phone call, no email, nothing. We decided to film the interview by our pool instead of the pub. Unfortunately Michelle was sick and couldn’t help out…so I was going to do it myself. I bought beer, some prizes, and other stuff to accommodate the guys and they just didn’t show up. For 45 minutes I sat outside waiting for a simple phone call saying “we’re not going to make it”, but they didn’t have the common courtesy to even do that. How ironic that they were set to replace a band that ditched out. I even sent them a specific email saying “please, if you can’t make it…let me know.”

I want to make something clear right now. I love doing these interviews, and I love helping people get exposure…but I don’t NEED to do these interviews. I go out of my way to make sure every guest has a good time. I spend a lot of time and energy working on the show. Not just editing the video and putting it together, but work hard doing research and trying to come up with interesting questions for my guests. I also go out of my way to plug, promote, and advertise for my guests even after they’ve done the show. Troy Barnett was the first PRTV guest three months ago, and I still promote whatever he has going on. But the thing is…he appreciates it and I know that. He has a big link to my site right on his myspace page. Everybody that has done the show has been wonderful and treated me great. They’ve gone out of their way too help me out…and I appreciate that a lot. There have been a few bands that I booked that cancelled…and that don’t even bother me. At least they had the decency to call me or email me and let me know they wouldn’t be able to make it. Like I said…I put a lot of work as well as time, money, and energy into this show and I don’t need crap like this. If you can’t have the decency to be professional about it…don’t fucking sign up to do it.

Live long. Live strong.

AR

3/15/09

A lot of people have asked when the “old me” is going to return. I’ve gotten feedback saying that I’m soft now. Well you people are in for a treat, because I’m fired up.

I’m excited to one day have kids. Maybe in about two years. I won’t be a perfect dad, and I’m okay with that. I’m going to make mistakes, and I’m sure I will be criticized. But I don’t have kids right now, and until I do…I’m going to continue to criticize the way other people raise their kids. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

Michelle and I have sort of made a routine of eating at CiCi’s Pizza Buffet. That’s all you can eat pizza. It’s a lot of bang for your buck…and I like to make sure to get our money’s worth. And don’t judge me for bringing my own Cholula! This past week Michelle pointed out to me a little girl who had a ridiculous plate. She had at least five slice of pie on her plate…the first time. This girl had to be less than nine years old. She was already a chubby girl. My question is this: what kind of parent let’s their child gorge their face like that? Then I saw her mother and my question was answered. When I’m a parent, I’m not going to force my kids to be vegetarians, but I also won’t let them shovel deep fried mayonnaise balls down their throats.

The week prior, I swear I almost drop kicked a five year old…and his mother. This little Mexican kid was running around the restaurant like a fucking mad man. I’m cool with kids being kids and having fun…but this little pinto bean was out of line. He was climbing on things, crawling under tables, and screaming like an idiot. And he was setting a great example for his younger brother. Then this little asshole got one of those sticky hands out of a machine in the game room. Perfect. The best part was when his mom (who up until this point was yakking on her phone instead of paying attention to her kids) yanked her kid out by his arm and dropped him on his head. Better her than me.

A lot of people make reference to loud black people in movie theaters. And I’m one of them. Don’t look at me like that…it happens and you all know it. But what’s worse than loud black people in a movie theater? Loud kids. Again…I understand that kids are going to be kids…but if you can’t control these little monsters don’t bring them to a movie. And what’s with people bringing infants to the movies? I don’t fucking get it. What pisses me off even more is when these selfish prick parents bring their little kids to a movie that they want to see. Tonight I went and saw the movie Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, and almost threw up the nachos that I snuck in. The couple in front of me brought their three kids (the oldest had to be about seven) to a movie filled with Lycans and Vampires ripping each others faces off. The movie was full of blood, guts, violence, gore, sex, and creepy English accents. Not exactly Kung Fu Panda.

How about these jerk offs that can’t control their kids in stores? I’ve been over this one before, but it’s not getting any better. I don’t know what upsets me more; the parents that can’t control their kids or the parents that make no effort to control their kids. When I was a kid at the store with my mom, I would wander off to the toy aisle or the comic book section, but that was twenty years ago. Nowadays when I see a five year old just wandering around alone I get uncomfortable as hell. Especially in Houston.

A lot of people will say “you don’t have kids so you have no right to judge”. I disagree. I’m also not a chef, but I will bitch about getting shitty food at a restaurant. Maybe that’s the way it should be. I’m thinking a parenting guide for dummies may not be a bad idea for my next book.

Moving on…

I’ve added a calendar to Planet Revels, so check it out not just for my upcoming events…but for upcoming events of a bunch of people including past PRTV guests. And if you want me to post any events just let me know and I will do so. You can e-mail me at ar@planet-revels.com or got to my myspace page and leave me a message. You can also leave me a message on the Planet Revels guestbook and if I like you I will post your upcoming events on the calendar.

I hope everybody checked out the latest episode of PRTV with my guests The Haymakers. I’m not kidding when I say that these guys are my new favorite band. It was an absolute pleasure to have them on the show for an interview AND performance. You can see both on the PRTV section of planet-revels.com. Their sound is so unique and fun. It just feels like a real modern old school grassroots style of blues. I will be checking them out on March 28^th at Dan Electro’s guitar bar and I suggest you all do the same.

The next episode of PRTV should be posted on Thursday. It was another kickass interview with a kickass bands. I sat down with the band Witness to the Fallen, so make sure to check it out in a few days.

And as far as PRTV goes…I do have some bitching to do. Now, once again…I don’t get paid to do the show. I am basically allowing people to have a new forum to promote and plug anything they want. But I enjoy it, and every guest I’ve had has shown me mutual courtesy and helped spread the word about Planet Revels. And I appreciate it. That’s the whole point of the show. I’m not sour about any of the guests…they have all been great and I appreciate all of them doing the show. I do however have a problem with the Westheimer Pub.

Here’s the deal. There are plenty of places that would love to have us film at their bar. But we chose The Westheimer Pub because we actually liked going there. It seemed like a nice little neighborhood bar. No cover charge, no dress code, and no dance floor. Everything I look for in a bar. So before shooting the first episode of PRTV, I made a point to talk to the owner…or the owner’s wife about it. I told her my ideas and what I needed. I asked if we could have like a half hour a week. I asked if they could pause the jukebox in that half hour and keep it reasonably quiet. She could’ve said no, but she liked the idea.

The first interview went okay even though the bartender had no idea what was going on. At this point I was just scheduling guests when it was convenient for them and then letting the bar know when we would be filming. The second interview was on a Sunday night. The actual owner was in there and had no idea why we were there or what we were doing. He acted like we were such a fucking inconvenience to him and the two people that were in there. We had to stop and start the interview three times because he was being a prick about everything. Afterward I talked to him about it and he told us we should come in on Saturday afternoons at 3:00 when there would be nobody in there. So we did.

We started scheduling interviews for every Saturday at 3:00. The first interview was with Slade Ham. It was completely empty besides us, but the bar owner still couldn’t be quiet for 30 minutes. Maybe if he cleaned the fucking bar the night before he wouldn’t have to do it when he opened the next day. Every interview after that, the guest would show up and we would have to wait outside. They are supposed to open at 3:00 but every week the owner or bartender doesn’t arrive until 20 minutes after three. The bar is usually trashed from the night before and Michelle and I are stuck cleaning it up so we can appear to be somewhat professional to the guests.

This past Saturday was the last straw. The bar wasn’t open at 3:15 when I got there, and their new bartender was working her first Saturday afternoon. She apparently wasn’t informed that I film in there on Saturday afternoons. My first interview was with Carl Piano Smith. The interview itself was going great, besides the fact that the bar owner’s wife and the new bartender were talking as loud as they possibly could through the ENTIRE interview. And I’ll take this time to apologize to Carl right now, because I couldn’t concentrate on the interview because I was so fucking distracted by the two ignorant bitches gabbing in the background.

Then I interviewed comedian Sam Demaris. It was the same thing, except this time the new bartender was talking at the top of her lungs to some prick who was going on about nothing. After Sam’s interview, Carl was supposed to perform. Even that was a goddamn problem because two assholes couldn’t wait five minutes to play darts. I have one more interview scheduled before I leave Texas, but I’ll be damned if I will film it at The Westheimer Pub. I will never step foot in that shithole again. The only reason we ever spoke highly of it is because that’s where we filmed. The truth is it’s a great bar to go to if you want to see drama, bartenders that are obviously high as a kite, and you want to wait twenty minutes to get served. With the exception of Lisa, you get shitty service and shitty attitudes. But it’s the place to be if you on Friday nights for Latin Alternative night.

Nobody even knows where this bar is, and we were going out of our way to help them. I’ve advertised for them for free for the past five months. Tell me how this is smart business. I brought groups of people in during their slowest hours every week. I also brought entertainment. They could’ve easily used the show as a way to bring in a crowd. Besides the interviews, I was bringing in live music. FOR FREE! Nobody does that. But instead, they treated me like I was just a pain in their asses.

I will be continuing the show when I move back to Wisconsin in a few weeks. So if anybody out there has an idea of a place or has a place that would make a good place to film the show, let me know. I’m looking for maybe an hour a week. Probably on Saturday afternoons. I would like a place with a similar set up. But this time I want it to be more professional and I would like to get a little something in return for the free advertisement. Maybe just a flyer hanging on the wall. We can work those things out later. But if anybody has any ideas…send them to me via e-mail, myspace, or leave me a message on the guestbook.

I apologize to Sam and Carl for the inconveniences and hopefully I can salvage the interviews. Thanks again to everybody that HAS supported the show and the web site.

On to more positive things….

I love movies. Everybody knows that. And I get extremely pumped when I get to see a new trailer for an upcoming movie that I’m excited about. Recently the new Terminator trailer and the trailer for Public Enemies. But yesterday I got to see the trailer for a movie I am absolutely dying to see starring my favorite actor Benicio Del Toro. Curious as to what flick I’m talking about? Here’s a hint…it’s a remake. Here’s another hint…it’s going to be bloody. Give up? One final hint: Check out this picture.

Owwwwwww

Live long. Live strong.

AR

3-6-09

The other night I was doing some video editing for this weeks episode of PRTV. Since Michelle finds no joy in watching me lose my patience and scream obscenities at the computer, she migrated to the living room to read. Michelle isn’t a big TV fan. She doesn’t really get sucked into television shows (although we’ve watched about 30 hours of Heroes over the past two weeks). So I was curious as to what was on the TV in the living room. I snuck out to take a peek and noticed Michelle wasn’t even reading. She was JUST watching. What could be so interesting and exciting that she closed her book and focused all of her attention to the screen? The Bachelor.

There was only about ten minutes left when I went out there, which meant I got to make fun of Michelle for ten long minutes about watching that silly show. The dude a girl for a few months and decides he wants to marry her? Who does that?!? Anyway, I soon felt a tad hypocritical because I eventually took a seat on the couch next to her and watched the special that aired AFTER the finale of The Bachelor.

In case you didn’t see it…

The Bachelor picked one girl and proposed to her. Then on the post-game show he informed the girl (and the world) that he didn’t want to marry her. Then he informed everybody that the reason he didn’t want to marry her is because he was still in love with the girl that he DIDN’T pick to marry. This guy’s balls must be the size of basketballs.

So the girl he DIDN’T pick came out to see The Bachelor for the first time since being eliminated from the show. He proposed his love to her and of course she was down for it. That girl has a lot of respect for herself. You know what would’ve been terrific? If the second girl told him to kick rocks…or if the first girl was pregnant. That would’ve made for some interesting television. Either way, the best part of the interview was the host. He was so stone-faced and unsympathetic you would think he was interviewing a kid toucher on To Catch a Predator. If you want to see The Bachelor get mocked and ridiculed in front of a live audience…check out his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI8i9zSlCQs.

I finally posted a new episode of PRTV. Thanks to everybody for being patient and coming back to check it out. The Billy Wayde interview went extremely well. Of course you guys only get to see about twenty minutes of it, but we had a great time hanging out with the “Ultimate Elvis”. This guy is one of the luckiest guys in the world. He gets paid to do what he loves. And trust me…he obviously doesn’t do it for the money. Billy is an artist. After talking with him for a couple hours it became very apparent that this is his life.

Meeting Billy was kind of strange. I’ve never personally met Elvis, but I’m guessing Billy isn’t off by much. His voice never changes and the mannerisms are always there. Like I said in the interview, it’s kind of cool that youngsters like me who never got the chance to see the king are able to be exposed to his legacy by people like Billy Wayde. For more information on Billy you can go to www.billywayde.com. And make sure to watch the video and performance on PRTV.

On the next episode of PRTV you will get to see me interview my new favorite band, The Haymakers along with an acoustic performance from them.

I have a few more interviews booked for the upcoming weeks before Michelle and I hit the road and head to Wisconsin. This Saturday I’ll be interviewing a metal band called Witness to the Fallen and next Saturday I will be interviewing the Led Zeppelin tribute band, Black Dog.

I’m reading a few books right now (explains why I haven’t written any lately). I just finished reading Happy Endings by Jim Norton. I have always thought Jim was okay as a comedian, but nobody I would pay money to see. This book was a bunch of stories about his messed life and experiences in the world of stand up comedy. I actually kind of liked the book until I got to the bonus stuff he added. First of all…the book was really forced. You can tell he didn’t really care about writing it…which is fine. Second…to anybody that blasted me and told me that I use filthy language to get shock value…please read this book. In the bonus material he added a whole bunch of garbage. He was lucky enough to make the New York Times Bestseller list. If that happened to me I would go nuts. But Jim Norton added a chapter to his book bitching about how he thinks he’s better than everybody else on the list. That shit really made me regret wasting any time reading the book. Oh well. He also added some “funny” jokes from the Gene Simmons roast. The jokes were not funny at all. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. If you can’t tell, I don’t really think about what I’m going to write. Fuck it. It’s my web site.

But I am currently enjoying the hell out of a book called The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. It’s about a poor Indian boy who gets fed up with living his life on the res and decides to go to a white school. It’s really good and I highly recommend it.

Sherman Alexie has been my favorite author since I read the first chapter of his first book that I read. The story was called Every Little Hurricane and it described a child witnessing a party thrown by his alcoholic family. Alexie’s work is all related to being an Indian (no…I will not say Native American. That word is for white people that feel guilty), yet a white kid from a small Wisconsin town can relate to it. The messages in his words are universal. Who can’t identify with feeling like an outsider?

Before I decide to write any books, I wrote poetry and some short stories. I had about ten short stories written and had thought about possibly writing a book, but I was hesitant. I didn’t think my books would sell, because I didn’t think anybody that didn’t know me would give a shit about my life stories. That’s when somebody told me about Sherman Alexie.

Someone that had read most of my writing told me that Alexie and I had a similar “In-your-face” style of writing. They also told me that I would probably enjoy his work. I just kind of shrugged it off and didn’t think much about it. A little while later that person gave me Alexie’s The Loner Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven as a gift. I was working third shift at the time and having trouble sleeping after work. So I figured maybe if I read a few pages of that book, I would pass out. Eight hours later I was finished reading that book.

I was so flattered to be compared to Alexie who has become my biggest influence in writing. After reading that first book, I decided to do everything I could to get my own book out there. I didn’t know anything about Sherman…I didn’t even know much about Indians, but I loved his stories. And I related to them. His style of writing is amazing. It can’t be described. His work made me realize that I didn’t have to follow the rules. There shouldn’t be rules in writing anyway. So I wrote. My way.

Every time I read Sherman Alexie’s work…I find myself stopping often so I can write my own stuff. His words inspire me. And I hope someday I can have the same affect on somebody else.

Since finishing my first book, I hoped that I could one day shake Sherman Alexie’s hand and thank him for what he did for me. That day came on Tuesday March 3rd, 2009. Michelle and I drove from Houston to College Station where Sherman Alexie was speaking. I had waited for that day since October when I found out he would be in Texas. I’ve been wanting to see him in person for years, but he never really comes around anywhere I have lived.

We had such a great time. Sherman is a very humble, very laid back, very positive guy. There were so many times during the speaking that I would nudge Michelle because he was talking about something that I completely identified with. His family didn’t have much when he was a kid, he felt like an outsider, he even wrote an “Ode to a snowplow”. Oh…and he has a huge head. Seeing and hearing Sherman speak made me realize exactly what I want to do and why I want to do it.

After answering some questions from the audience, Sherman signed copies of his books out in the lobby. There were A LOT of people there, so I doubted if I was going to get a book signed. I also had the idea to try to give Sherman a copy of one of my books. I wrote him a nice note letting him know how much of an influence he’s been on me and thanked him for the inspiration. I figured I would just give it to him at the table if I got the chance to get a book signed by him. When I saw how many people were there…I started trying to come up with other ideas. I thought about throwing it on the stage, or maybe just leaving it in the lobby in hopes that somebody would pick it up and give it to him. But as we exited the auditorium and headed to the lobby…a new option presented itself. He was walking right in front of us.

In case you don’t know this, I am a huge pussy when it comes to confrontation. But Michelle encouraged me to give him the book at that moment. So I tapped him on the shoulder and presented him with the book that he helped inspire. He could’ve snubbed me. He could’ve taken the book and thrown it away. He could’ve done a lot of things. What he did, was accept the book, shake my hand, and say “Thanks Andrew. Thanks for the gift.” And then I left him alone. I still wanted to get my book signed, so we waited in line. The line was really long, and I had to pee. So Michelle saved are spot and I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I noticed the table Sherman was sitting at. He had MY book sitting right next to him for everybody to see. That may have been the greatest moment ever regarding my books. Not only did he sign my book, but he took the time to shake my hand again, and pose for a picture.

Not many people get the chance to interact with their hero. But I did. I need to thank Michelle for making it happen. She’s such an amazing girl and I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with her. And she was so excited for me. I actually think she was more nervous than I was. I don’t really get nervous in those situations. I just kind of shut down. It doesn’t hit me until later. I’m sure this won’t hit me until next week some time.

Anyways, thanks to Shemran Alexie for taking the time to meet me and sign my book. And thanks to Sherman Alexie for the nonstop influence and inspiration (and motivation). You should definitely check out all of his work which is available at www.shermanalexie.com or www.fallsapart.com.

In 2003 I got to see my other hero, George Carlin perform. Two years later, I got to watch all four original members of Motley Crue tear the house down. Tuesday I got to meet Sherman Alexie. There’s only one more to go. Stop avoiding me Favre!

Live long. Live strong.

AR

2/19/20

I hope everybody had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I know I did. Michelle and I drove to San Antonio for the night and had an amazing time. The first thing we did was check out the Alamo. Man, it really overwhelmed me. I’ve never really seen a real historical monument before. It was a really cool feeling standing so close to something so important to our nation’s history. I couldn’t help but think about my grandpa as I was there.

We also did the whole Riverwalk thing. That was pretty cool too. I just think they lack places to buy t-shirts and shot glasses (I got three more for my collection). The coolest part of the Riverwalk was the Hard Rock Café. I had never been to one before, so I was curious to see what it was all about. The meal was okay, but the stuff inside was amazing. We got to see so much cool memorabilia from so many legends. I got to see Johnny Cash’s black coat, Elvis’ karate gi, Tom Morello and Dimebag Darrell’s guitars…it was cool as hell. It was just strange because it’s like a restaurant and museum in one. So you’re staring at these displays while looking over some dude eating a chicken sandwich.

The only bad part of the trip happened when we got back to the hotel the first time on Saturday night. We wanted to have a nice dinner and whatnot, but couldn’t decide where to go…and Michelle wanted to watch the NBA Slam Dunk Contest…so we decided to just go back to the hotel and order something where it would be only the two of us. We had a bottle of wine and everything. We ordered are food, and about 40 minutes later, the delivery guy called us to let us know that he had locked his keys and our meal in his car and it was going to be a little bit of a wait. Wonderful. A half hour went by and Michelle called the restaurant back. She asked the ETA and if we were going to be getting a discount. You know what they offered us? A free dessert. We had to wait two hours for our food. I ordered spaghetti and cheese garlic bread…everything was cold and the bread was soggy. My soda was warm and I almost lost my appetite. Besides that…we had plans that were now delayed because some 17 year old jackoff locked his keys in the car. And their way of making up for it was a $2.00 cheesecake? Kick rocks. I understand people make mistakes, but the restaurant should have made it right. Therefore…they made the list. So if you’re ever in San Antonio…avoid eating at or ordering from Paul’s.

Did you guys hear about the woman in Stamford that was brutally attacked by the chimp? What the fuck is wrong with this world? The chimp ended up getting shot several times by a cop and eventually crawled in his cage and died. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks for my view on the whole thing. They say the chimp was acting like a savage animal. What the fuck is he supposed to act like?!? He WAS a savage animal. Who the fuck are these people that think it’s a cute idea to domesticate a wild animal? Then the wild animal does something out of instinct and is murdered for it. Fuck that. The owner of the chimp needs to be held accountable for the damage done to the victim AND for the brutal death of the chimp.

Now there’s a controversy over a cartoon that was drawn poking fun at the Chimp situation. Something about comparing the chimp to Obama. I’ll get to that next week.

I understand that the police officer was doing what he thought he had to do to control the situation, but I think he was wrong. What happened to tranquilizers? What happened to tasers? Did this animal deserve to be killed for doing what is in his nature? I don’t think so. I always wondered why it’s fine and dandy for somebody to go out into the woods and kill an animal for sport and mount it on the wall, but if a bear or some other animal attacks out of self defense…it gets slaughtered.

I’ve gotten quite a few e-mails asking about PRTV. Here’s where we’re at. It is still rockin’ and rollin’. The Slade Ham episode took up a lot of time and space. I had to wait two weeks to post the show, because the interview took place two weeks before we got the live footage of him performing. We we’re planning on interviewing model Jamie Albanese two weeks ago, but something came up and we had to reschedule. Like I just said, Michelle and I were in San Antonio last weekend, so we rescheduled for this coming weekend and the show should be posted Monday night. We’re also booked for basically the next month and a half.

It’s going to be a very busy two months. As you may or may not know, we’re moving back to Wisconsin in the middle of April. That’s going to be a big adjustment. I’ve actually gotten kind of used to Houston. We started practicing for softball a week ago. It’s really strange playing softball in February…but I’m not complaining.

The night before our first two games we will be driving to Texas A&M to see my favorite author speak. Sherman Alexie has been one of my two biggest influences as far as writing. I was luckily enough to see the late George Carlin (my other biggest influence) a few years ago in Iowa. I can’t wait to see Alexie speak. He was the major inspiration for GPKP and Helmet. I wrote short stories and poetry before working on my first book and I had more than one person compare me to Sherman Alexie. Then I started reading his book The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, which is a bunch of short stories about growing up poor on an Indian reservation. I could relate to his stuff and had already begun my own memoirs of growing up poor. Every time I started reading his stuff I was inspired to write my own. So in my opinion it’s because of him that I am where I am right now.

The week before we leave Houston, we will be attending another event. My wonderful fiancé got me an incredible early birthday present. She got me tickets to the 25^th anniversary of Wrestlemania. I can’t fucking wait. I’ve been waiting to go to Wrestlemania since Hogan slammed Andre 22 years ago. Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of wrestling…and the 25^th anniversary is going to be huge. If you don’t care about wrestling…fuck off. I don’t care.

I’ve always been a huge fan of professional wrestling. The larger than life characters, the love or hate personalities, the stories being told in and out of the ring. I’ve been a fan since I was a year or two old watching the Junk Yard Dog on Sunday mornings with my grandpa. I used to have get-togethers with friends on Wrestlemania Sunday. There were times that my mom would order the PPV for me on my birthday. And now for my birthday present I get to experience it in person. And for those that give a shit, I am in the process of writing a book about being a fan of professional wrestling.

You know, I was going to try to be a bigger person and leave something alone, but I can’t. I read something the other day that kind of got to me. I think it got to me mostly because the author of the blog sent me a specific request to read it. The blog is called “When did writing stop having to do with writing?”

Basically this guy bashes the American writing culture because “Every jackass on the street sees himself as a writer”. I am one of those jackasses. He then goes on to blast the industry because he doesn’t believe a lot of the mainstream authors in this country are up to par because they give into what the readers want.

You can all take this as a response to what he said, or just as a guy speaking his mind. It’s up to you. I’ve been asked why I write. I write because I’m in love with it. I always have been, always will be. Writing is the only woman I’ve ever cheated on. Writing saved my life. I also write because I love telling stories. I love making people think and making people smile.

My work isn’t perfect. I don’t use big words or sometimes complete sentences. Sometimes I start sentences with the word “and”. As I look at my computer screen right now it is filled with green squiggles from all of my fragments, but I don’t care. It’s just the way I write (I bet you won’t find many double negatives though!).

This guy says it’s okay to call yourself a writer, but not an author unless your work is not absolutely perfect. He says people like Chuck Palahniuk have no right to be published. I kind of like his work to be honest, and so do millions of other people. I say that he has a right to be published. He also makes it clear that independent authors such as myself have no right to be published OR call themselves authors. This is where I get a little frustrated.
“In an age of all-englobing and infinitely multiplying cybernetic technologies, no one can stop these stammering imbeciles from mass-replicating their infantile scribbles”. This is true my friend. You can’t stop it. And that is a beautiful thing. Everybody has a voice, and everybody deserves to be heard. Everybody deserves the chance to be published. Everybody deserves the chance to be an author. I have busted my ass for the past three years to get where I am. I’ve put in hour after hour of writing my thoughts down to share with the world. Are my words always grammatically correct? No they aint. But from what I hear, people still enjoy it. This is the reason I didn’t go to school for writing. It would’ve destroyed the kind of writer that I am and would not allow me to be the kind of AUTHOR I want to be. The thing I love about writing is the freedom. I can write whatever I want. And I can publish what I write. And people can read what I publish. It doesn’t matter if this self-proclaimed “Greatest author in the world” approves of it. It doesn’t matter if I’m well educated. All that matters is that the reader enjoys it. And from the feedback I get, from the statistics on my site, and from my book sales; the readers are enjoying it. I consider myself an author because people pay money to read what I have to say. I have sold more copies of my books than I EVER thought imaginable. I consider myself a successful author because I’ve sold just as many copies of my second book as my first. I consider myself a success because people paid me an advance to get a copy of my book BEFORE it was published. The only criticisms that I’ve gotten about the way I write or my ability to write is from other authors - other authors who are professionally trained and traditionally published. But now traditionally published authors are getting pushed aside and people like me are getting a chance to shine, and they can’t handle it. So they bash me and they bash the industry. They can’t stand the fact that they are what used to be the standard, and now somebody like me is getting attention. These people need to let it be. I don’t write for them. I write for my readers. And that is something that I will never change. Before I go, I want to thank all of the support I’ve gotten from the people of The Netherlands. Dank u voor de steun en ik houd van uw bier. Vergeet uw helm niet. De rotsen van Heineken! Live long. Live strong. Never relent.
AR

2/8/09

I never thought I would feel so betrayed by somebody I’ve never even met. All I can say is, Kevin Smith…you’re better than that. I am a very dedicated fan of Kevin Smith. His style of writing has highly influenced me in my own writing. I think he is an amazingly brilliant director, and a pioneer in the world of cinema. You can’t say that about too many directors or screenwriters.

Kevin Smith’s first four movies were all so unique, original, clever, and dare I say – brilliant. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was a really fun movie. It was a treat for fans of the first four flicks. As was Clerks 2. I was however, extremely annoyed with all the idiots that raved over those to movies and had never seen any of the first four. Ah well.

Kevin Smith’s movies are all extremely raunchy. The language is filthy, the concepts are controversial, and the humor is racy. But everything is justified by the stories and the genius satire. If you watched the last two episodes of PRTV you saw the conversations I had with comedians Gerald Torregosa and Slade Ham regarding crossing the line in comedy. Funny is funny if it makes sense and if there’s a reason. Slade said there’s nothing I hate more than an hour of dick and shit jokes. I totally agree. I have a filthy vocabulary and I love highly offensive jokes…as long as there’s a reason. It’s all about context. I used a lot of naughty language in my books, but only because they fit the stories. I didn’t sit there and say I need to say fuck more. Add another fuck right there. And Kevin Smith’s movies are similar in that aspect. Shit, Jersey Girl was rated PG-13.

So Friday night, Michelle and I decide to rent Kevin Smith’s latest film titled Zack and Miri Make a Porno. I’ve seen trailers and interviews about this movie and I figured I would like it. I even read and heard a bunch of positive reviews of the flick. Man, I was excited to see it. Kevin Smith hadn’t released a movie in a couple years…so I was looking forward to seeing something new. Sweet mother of Oprah was I let down.

First off…Seth Rogen. Can somebody please tell me what the fuck is so special and funny about this guy? I can’t stand him and everybody loves him. I will admit, I did like him on the show Freaks and Geeks, and he even played a good part in The 40 Year Old Virgin; but then Knocked Up, Superbad, Pineapple Express, and now this? It’s the same goddamn character in every movie. The homeless guy on the corner who pretends to have cancer so he can get money for crack has more range than Seth Rogen.

I’m just curious as to why everyone feels the need to use them in their movie. And I don’t know how he could even read Kevin’s script with his head so far up Judd Apatow’s ass. Coming up, Seth Rogen will be starring in a movie with Adam Sandler, he’s playing a security guard trying to stop a flasher, he’s the voice of a monster, he will be playing The Green Hornet, and he’s also going to be starring in the upcoming Ghost Busters movie. I hear he’s also going to make a sequel to Pineapple Express. Yay.

But what has he done to make everybody so interested in him? He’s played the same out of shape stoner with a dumb haircut in every movie he’s been in. He talks about sex, talks about getting stoned, drops a few f-bombs, and scene. That’s it. He’s a one dimensional, no talent, unfunny douche bag that wishes he was John Belushi. Yet he somehow finds himself in all of these movies. The thing that bothers me the most is that Kevin Smith wrote this movie FOR Seth Rogen. If Seth Rogen didn’t do it, he wouldn’t have made the movie. Kevin Smith put guys like Jason Lee and Ben Affleck on the map…now he’s fucking around with this hack? Why Kevin? Why? I swear I’m so close to just boycotting movies because I’m afraid Seth Rogen’s stupid face is going to pop up in whatever movie I’m trying to enjoy. I think he should play James Bond next.

Seth Rogen wasn’t the only casting decision I had a problem with. Elizabeth Banks plays Miri. Michelle and I agreed that she is just way too cute for that role. I didn’t buy her as a skanky loser who couldn’t get a guy and turns to making amateur porn in order to pay the rent. The role was written for Rosario Dawson…who would’ve been way more believable. Also included in the cast were Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes – two veterans of Kevin Smith films – and Craig Robinson from the office. All of these guys are funny if given the chance – especially Jeff Anderson (in my opinion) – but they just didn’t get many opportunities to display their talent.

I think the thing that most bothered me was the content. I was actually offended. I’ve spent the past 13 years defending the content and language in Kevin Smith’s movies. The girl screwing a dead guy in Clerks, Brody’s theory on Superman and Lois Lane’s sexual relationship, and even the “Fingercuffs” bit in Chasing Amy. I even defended Pillowpants in Clerks 2. All of these examples were filthy and raunchy, but they were justified by the story, delivery, and the context. They all meant something to the movie. It wasn’t just shock value. I can’t however justify anything that took place in Zack and Miri. It was two hours of gratuitous sex scenes, references to human reproductive organs, and literally…a dude gets shit on. Classy. He might as well have had somebody fuck a pie.

Like I said, I am all for filthy language and adult situations…but it’s worthless if there is no reason. If you’re only offending for the sake of offending…then you’re just like the people that tell you how funny or cynical they are. I guess I’m just so let down because of what Kevin Smith has done in the past. I know he’s capable of so much more. I just hope he knows that I’m not mad…I’m disappointed.

Saturday night we decided to go to a movie. We planned on seeing the movie Taken, but we were a little late. So I took one for the team and saw a movie that Michelle wanted to see. That movie was He’s Just Not That Into You. She agreed to go see The Wrestler with me…so I kind of owed her one. I figured I would hate the movie, but it actually wasn’t horrible. It was about a group of people in Baltimore that are somehow linked and dealing with their respective relationships. The movie starred Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and the little annoying guy from Entourage. It was nice to see Ben Affleck in a romantic comedy and get the girl. You know? I’ve really been pulling for him to get some love.

This was my first time seeing a chick flick in the theater. And I’m not sued to movie theaters like the one we’ve been going to in Houston. It’s HUGE, and it’s ALWAYS busy. We went to a late showing on Saturday night and it was basically a sold out show. I think I was one of maybe ten dudes in the whole theater. I heard “awwww” so many times to the point I had to actually turn around and ask, are you kidding me?! I wasn’t angry…I have just never seen that in person. I actually saw a middle aged white woman bust a white woman dance move when she witnessed a romantic scene in the flick. Priceless.

Like I said, the movie wasn’t horrible. I actually kind of enjoyed it. The writing was pretty good and the directing wasn’t too shabby either. The movie had drama, it had comedy, it had romance, and it even had a bit of emotion. There was something missing though. What was it? Ah yes. Seth Rogen.

Last Wednesday Michelle and I went to see former PRTV guest Gerald Torregosa headline at the Laff Stop. He did very well too. So thanks for inviting us Gerald, we had a good time. Another former PRTV guest will be performing this weekend. Troy Barnett will be performing at Starbucks on Chimney Rock and Richmond in Houston from 12:00 to 3:00. What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than having Troy Barnett sing loves songs to you and your significant other?

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, I will be posting my Valentine’s Day story here on Planet Revels tomorrow. It’s my favorite story I’ve ever written and I’m going to be posting it here for free starting tomorrow. So make sure to check it out.

If you haven’t checked out the Slade Ham interview yet; go to the PRTV page and give it a look. We’ve got quite a bit coming up in the next few weeks. Michelle and I will be in San Antonio this Saturday, so we won’t be filming then, but we’re going to be hitting it hard starting on February 21^st. We’ve got interviews lined up with Suicide Girl Jamie Albanese, the bands Black Dog, the Haymakers, and Witness to the Fallen, and Elvis Impersonator Billy Wayde. So stay tuned for all of that.

I would like to take this opportunity to talk a little bit about what goes into the production of PRTV. You guys see the finished product, but I put a lot into researching, planning, and editing; but I don’t do it by myself. Michelle is such a huge part of everything I do…it’s unreal. She puts up with all of my bullshit and (usually) does it with a smile. She supports every decision I make and offers her opinion whenever I ask her. She also helps me come up with topics to discuss with the guests and runs the camera.

I love and enjoy my life so much right now, and none of it would be possible without my lady standing beside me. She has been the glue keeping me together, and I am truly a better person because of her. All of these things I’ve been able to experience would be meaningless if I was experiencing them alone. She’s my director on and off screen, and I love her.

Enough of this mushy shit. I better end with a dirty joke. A kid runs out to the kitchen on his birthday and runs up to his uncle and says, “Guess how old I am today!” the uncle says, “I have no idea.” The kid says “I’m twelve!” The kid goes up to his grandpa and says, “Grandpa, guess how old I am today!” The grandpa says, “I have now idea.” The kid says “I’m twelve!” The kid runs out into the living room to his grandma and says, “Grandma…guess how old I am today!” The grandma says, “Hmmm. Let me see”, and sticks her hand down the kid’s pants and grabs his junk. About ten minutes later, the grandma says, “You’re twelve today!” With a confused look on his face, the kid says, “How did you figure that out?” The grandma smiles and says, “I heard you tell your grandpa out in the kitchen.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Live Long. Live Strong.

AR

1/20/09

First of all let me apologize for not writing and updating as much as I should. It’s been kind of hectic lately. A lot of the time that I used to put into my writing I’ve been putting into PRTV. It’s a nice change of pace for me. It keeps me busy, allows me to be creative, and it’s really fucking fun. Be sure to check out part one of the latest episode of PRTV where I interview a comedian named Slade Ham. The interview itself was really good. I ended up talking with him for nearly an hour, but a lot of the footage won’t be used right now. I do have something planned for it down the road though. Michelle and I also went and saw Slade perform at the Comedy Showcase last Friday. That dude is a hell of a performer. If you get the chance to see him live…do it. You won’t be disappointed. He will be performing this weekend at the Houston Improv with David Alan Grier.

Another former guest will be performing this week as well. Comedian/Magician Gerald Torregosa will be performing at the Laff Stop in Houston on Wednesday February 4^th at 8:00 PM. You can see Gerald’s PRTV interview on the PRTV page of Planet Revels.

Happy Birthday to my aunt Linda who turned almost 60 this past Sunday!

Lost and 24 just started their new seasons. 24 was like heroin for me last year. I had only seen the first season, but last year I started…we’ll say “renting” the other seasons. I watched every single one. I was so into it. I watched like seven full seasons. Each season has 24 episodes. That’s 168 hours of Jack Bauer killing terrorists and making angry faces. Does something like this have any affect one a person? Like if you were to spend the afternoon watching football, you might be in the mood to throw the pigskin around. All I know is that when I was handcuffed in the police station I found myself looking around the station at items I could use to make an explosive device and escape. But let’s be honest. That night I couldn’t even get my boots off because the laces were tied in double knots. Jack Bauer I am not.

In just over two months Michelle and I will be heading back to Wisconsin. I hear people from Wisconsin talking about the weather there and I actually become jealous. Michelle has never experienced a real winter. She saw a tiny bit of snowfall one day in December, but she’s never had to shovel the driveway, scrape a window, or salt a sidewalk. She’s in for a rude awakening. I’m predicting it’s going to be like when Dorothy walked into a whole new world of color in The Wizard of OZ, except instead of munchkins and lollipops she will be seeing snow plows and black ice.

As you all know, I love going to the movies. Michelle and I recently went to see a movie that was no less than amazing. If the acting performance of the main character does not win the Academy Award, I am going to be highly upset. Maybe it’s just me. Decide for yourself, I guess. So if you get the chance, go see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. You won’t leave with dry eyes.

I kid. I’m talking about one of the movies that everybody is talking about. The Wrestler one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time. No big budget special effects were needed in the character study of a broken man who only knows how to do one thing. Even if you’re not a wrestling fan, you will enjoy the movie. Michelle hates wrestling and she was moved by Mickey Rourke’s portrayal of Randy “The Ram” Robinson.

The Oscars are coming up, and I usually give my Oscar picks…but I can’t. The only two movies I’ve seen that are nominated this year are The Wrestler and The Dark Knight. But don’t worry baby birds. Next week, I will be giving out my own awards. My panel of experts and I will be voting on the best trailers of the year. Who will take home the top prize? Benjamin Button? Slumdog Millionaire? Wolverine? Check back next week to find out for yourself!

Like I said, Michelle and I are moving to Wisconsin in April…and I can’t really say I’m going to miss Houston a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong…there’s a lot to do and see, but I am not a big city guy. It’s hard to sleep at night here sometimes because all I ever hear are car alarms and sirens. It’s not too comforting. Especially we only have a screen window and duct taped cardboard in the front of the apartment.

When I first moved here, I saw a note on our door. It was from the people that run the complex. The note told us to basically always keep our cars and apartments locked, even if we’re home because somebody had been brutally beaten on the premises and was in critical condition. Lovely.

The biggest shock to me came a few months later. I went to the laundry room to wash a load of clothes, but I couldn’t get in because they added locks to the door. Luckily a joint smoking Puerto Rican woman was inside and let me in and informed me of the situation.
            “You have to use a key to get in now.”
            “I see that.”
            “Yeah. People were stealing shit.”
            “Huh. That explains where all my socks went.”
            “No. Somebody stole five washing machines.”
So now I’m not only curious as to where the hell all of my socks are, I’m also curious as to who the fuck has the capability and resources to steal five washing machines. And how did nobody notice? Stealing a camera or a loaf of bread, sure. But five washing machines? You have to swipe a card top even get on the grounds. Did they throw the appliances over the fence? Good God. In La Crosse all I had to deal with was people sticking their mothers in freezers and college students mysteriously drowning. I can’t wait to go home!

That’s all I got for now people.

Live long. Live strong.

AR

12/29/08

Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. I’m actually glad I went home for Thanksgiving and gave out Christmas gifts then, because I can’t stand shopping around this time of the year. There is no deal worth the carnage ensuing in the clearance section at Target right now. Here’s a thought. Why not – at least for the holiday season – add traffic lights in the stores. I guess I don’t know why they would obey the traffic laws in the store if they can’t even obey them outside. Michelle and I almost got into a wreck Saturday in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Some idiot decided to back out into us as we were already almost out. Not only did this dumb shit run into us, when we stopped to check the damage, the lady took off. Here are a few more of my peeves around this time of year…or any time of year:

-         People who park their carts in the opening of an aisle. I have no problem grabbing your cart and moving it to the hardware section while you’re browsing pots and pans. All I need is a spatula. MOVE YOUR CART! And have you ever gotten blocked in an aisle? Good lord. Two idiots on each end of the aisle with their carts and kids taking up the opening is enough to make me want to break a Target picture frame over somebody’s skull.

-         Slow walking old people. There should be a separate walkway for the elderly. All I need is toothpaste, and I know exactly where it is. But I can’t get there because Bea Arthur is walking two steps an hour in front of me.

-         I really hate when I’m leaving the parking lot and it takes me 45 minutes to exit a lane. This happens when I’m driving toward the store and a million jackasses are crossing in a million different places. There is a crosswalk for a reason. It’s bad enough when I have to wait on the people in the crosswalk, but when every other numbskull that decided to shop that day decides that they won’t to walk a diagonal line from the door to THEIR parking spot and maybe even zig or zag a few times, I have time to do a few Sedoku puzzles.

-         To all the people that have to think about what they’re buying for an hour…MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND. “Does my grandson want The Dark Knight DVD or the Linkin Park CD? Well…the Linkin Park CD comes with a DVD also. HEY! Linkin Park sucks. Go with the DVD. Then again, your son may be a dildo…so you better sit and think about it for two more hours. Fuck it…Wal-Mart is open all night.

-         How annoying is it when people park in a lane while they wait for somebody to get in their car and leave? I want to punch every one of these assholes in the throat. They will literally park their car and hold up everybody else in the lane to get a spot ten feet closer. They have no consideration for the rest of the world. And I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a mother having to rush to her car and throw her kids in the car because these pricks are hovering over her like vultures.

-         One more in regards to the parking lot. How hard is it to put a cart in the cart rack? Seriously. I get so disgusted by people who just leave their carts wherever. Sometimes they’re in the road, sometimes they’re in the grass, and sometimes they’re in open parking spots. I’ve even seen them sitting in the parking spot right next to the cart rack. How fucking lazy can you get?

-         One more before I have a coronary. As my hero George Carlin so brilliantly stated, “I don’t have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.” And that’s exactly how this next group of people makes me feel. These are the fucktards that go to the ten items or less lane with three carts full of crap. The speedy checkout is there for a reason and I can’t stand when assholes don’t abide. Last week I went to the store to get ONE screw. I ended up getting ONE package of screws. ONE package. I sat in line for almost 25 minutes because everybody in the goddamn lane had at least forty items. I’m to the point where I will just walk through the line and count everybody’s items. If they have eleven or more, I give them a bicycle kick to the jaw. Not really…but I want to so bad!

I actually started this journal entry a day or so before Christmas, but oh well. Christmas has now come and gone. I hope everybody had a great Christmas. And I’m saying Christmas…because that is what I celebrate. I’m so tired of this bullshit where we can’t say things because certain people don’t believe in them. You know…I spent Christmas day with two people that don’t celebrate Christmas, and it wasn’t a big deal at all to them. People worry too damn much about what not to do or say. I like the show 24. Not everybody does, but I do. Am I supposed to just not call it what it is because not everybody watches it? Some people prefer to watch Two and a Half Men over on a different station, and that’s cool. So should I always just refer to 24 as an intense drama on network television (because I probably shouldn’t even name the network).

I’ll never forget a few years ago when I went to my work “Holiday Celebration”. No, it wasn’t a Christmas party. It was a Holiday celebration. All because of one Jewish dude that worked in the office. And I doubt he even gave a shit. I’m sure it was the hire ups that were so paranoid to offend somebody that they decided to change everything drastically. The funny thing was, right before our meal, the owner of the company got up and said a huge Christian prayer. And no matter what we believed in, the only thing that mattered was we were all going to get drunk and go bowling later that evening.

This was my first Christmas away from my family and away from Wisconsin. It was strange spending Christmas in Texas. A Christmas without snow was like the playoffs without the Packers. Kind of sad and lonely, but I’ll get over it. There’s always next year.

I hope everybody enjoyed the first episode of PRTV. I have high hopes for the show and in the coming months I have quite a bit planned. Troy Barnett was a great first guest. The two of us are virtually polar opposites, but we have so much in common. We seem to have been traveling the same paths in our respective fields and it was refreshing to sit and chat with him about some of our experiences thus far. You can check Troy out at www.myspace.com/troybarnettmusic and search for Phat Barz Records on youtube. The next episode of PRTV will be posted in the next couple of days. This week my guest was comedian/magician Gerald Torregosa.

Pranks. Let’s talk about them. I love pranks. April Fool’s Day is one of my favorite days of the year. Seems I’ve had a lot of involvement in pranks as of late, starting with the pictures I posted of Ryan on facebook. My brother hasn’t talked to me since Thanksgiving because apparently there was an incident involving toilet paper in his trees when I went home to visit. It was only eight rolls. That same day my brother decided to jump in my Cousin Josh’s truck and turn everything all the way up. He’s famous for that one. Oh and how can I forget…my uncle Johnny thought it would be fun to superglue the pie that my aunt Linda made special for me shut. I love the holidays! I thought I was going to get a rest from the prank stuff when I flew back to Houston. That was until my wonderful fiancé felt the need to soak all of my underwear, ball them up, and stick them in the freezer so she could make an ornament out of them and hang it on the tree. But she wasn’t surprised when she took a shower the next day and found that her shampoo had been replaced with ketchup and mustard. I want to hear about all of your favorite pranks. E-mail me at ar@planet-revels.com. Send me your stories or send me video of your stories. I will post them here or use them on PRTV.

It’s NFL playoff time, which means I should probably make some picks. I already picked who I think will win the Super Bowl. I told Michelle and she will vouch for me. If that isn’t good enough, I tattooed my pick on a Mexican kid next door just in case. Here are my picks for this week: Chargers over the Colts, Ravens over the Dolphins, Cardinals over the Falcons, and the Eagles over the Viqueens.

If you or anybody you know are interested in being a guest on PRTV, you can e-mail me at ar@planet-revels.com or leave a voicemail at 608-385-8795. Until next time…

Live long. Live strong.

AR

I hope everybody had a happy Thanksgiving. I just flew back to Houston on Tuesday night. Overall the trip went well. It’s always nice to see the people you care about. Especially when it’s been a while since you’ve seen them. I got to hang out with most of the people I wanted to see (and a few people that I didn’t). I also got to continue my family’s Thanksgiving tradition of volunteering at the La Crosse Center’s community dinner. This was my 13^th year. That means I’ve been doing this over half of my life. Every year I meet my grandpa, brother, step dad and cousin for breakfast; then we go do our job and shoot pool at a local bar afterward.

It really is a rewarding experience every year. We see the same familiar faces and many new ones as well. This year we worked with a guy from Houston, Texas. He moved to Wisconsin for a job and has no family there, so he decided to volunteer. Being the veterans, everybody comes to us to get directions. So many people take the time to help out. Whether it be in the kitchen, serving food, delivering meals, or just making donations; it is a great event to be a part of. The fact that they have to turn volunteers away every year is so incredible.

One thing that does bother me about the community dinner is the people that take advantage of it. A lot of people that are just too lazy to cook come and eat for free and don’t even make a donation. One of our friends is in charge of deliveries and we were talking to him when somebody ordered twenty meals. Twenty! Most people order three at the most. But even with the few people that taint the day, it’s still an amazing event and I look forward to taking part in it for years to come and someday when I have kids I will get them involved as well.

Acts of random kindness are a big thing to me. The smallest things that people do for me stick with me forever. A simple pat on the back from somebody giving you encouragement or a genuine thank you from somebody that you’ve helped. It all means so much and I think we all take these things for granted.

In early 2006 I began writing Games Poor Kids Play. After completing about half of the stories, I began second guessing myself. I didn’t think anybody would be interested in reading stories about people they didn’t even know. I was also starting to lose faith in my ability to succeed in the industry. I decided to turn to Independent Publishing as opposed to traditional publishing. So many times I wanted to give up. I didn’t have the support or guidance I needed to be pointed in the right direction.

In the summer of 2006 Nadine Laman replied to one of my questions on a writing forum about Independent Publishing. She didn’t have to, but she saw an eager young writer who aspired to go somewhere in the business. It wasn’t long before Nadine and I took our forum conversations to e-mails. Nadine became my mentor and took so much time to help me get started in the writing industry. When I was ready to give up on becoming a published author, she talked me out of it. When I considered changing my content to make it more suitable for a general audience, she told me I would be insulting myself and my readers. Because of her, I don’t question myself or my abilities in writing.

These days I feel more like Nadine’s peer than protégé. We both ask each other questions and value each other’s opinions, but I will not forget how much she helped me in the beginning of my career. Every now and then I get reminded of how much of an influence she has been and how inspiring she is. I was reminded of this last week when I read Nadine’s monthly newsletter. She is a remarkable, inspiring, and influential woman (Besides being an uber-talented author) and I highly recommend checking her newsletter out at nadinelamanbooks.com. I know just by reading what she had to say I have been motivated to get my butt back in the writer’s chair and get to work.

When I asked Nadine how to pay her back for everything she’s done for me, she simply told me to always help other young writers as much as I can. I’ve tried to do this as much as possible. But not just writers, any aspiring artist. I’m all about people helping people. We need that these days. Which brings me to PRTV. If you are a musician, author, actor, artist, or anybody else interesting and you would be interested in being interviewed on PRTV get a hold of me by e-mailing me at ar@planet-revels.com or leave me a comment on this site. It’s free exposure and advertising for you and it’s going to expand the Planet Revels audience. You can check out the PRTV intro video in the PRTV section now.

I’ve got another chapter done for my next book of short stories but I’m still kind of struggling with Brother’s Keeper. I just can’t seem to get back into a groove. I think once I finish this once part I’ll be okay. I usually have trouble right before the climax of the story. I didn’t have as much of a problem with Belly of the Beast because it was so fast paced. Once I get through this writer’s block I will probably be able to finish BK by early 2009.

Speaking of setting dates, Michelle and I have decided to get married October 27, 2011. Get ready to Dance! Dance! Dance! (in three years)

Well, that’s about all for now. I’m going back to work. Make sure you keep checking back for new updates and additions to the site. I’ve got a lot planned. Y’all take it easy.